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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Beware of the Sea Kitten Killer! Part 1


Hey! If yall really want a good laugh, go visit the PETA, Sea Kitten website. It's really hard for me to imagine that even these left wing whacko nut cases would actually beg for money to promote such a ridiculous cause. It's even harder to imagine that people would be sucked in to such rot. They are probably a lot of the same people that voted for Hussein Obama, but that's a story for another post.

Let me assure you that any comparison between a fish and a cat is a stretch beyond belief. About the only similarity is that they are animals and they are vertebrates (they have a backbone for all you Obama supporters). Beyond that, the similarity ends. The part of the brain that makes a cat a cat (the cerebral cortex) is more or less non-existent in a fish. The cerebral cortex is what thinks, feels, reasons, makes decisions, creates personality, etc. Sorry to say but fish have no intelligence or ability to think or feel. They are creatures of pure instinct, driven in their habitat by their search for food, their desire to regulate their body temperature and their desire to procreate. They are not warm and cuddly, they don't know you as their friends or masters.

Let me introduce you to two of the Sea Kitten Killer's victims:

Pomoxis annularis (white crappie)

Pomoxis nigromaculatus (black crappie)

Crappie, black and white, have overcome the racial divide suffered by humans. It is rumored that in prehistoric times, the black crappie were held as slaves by the white crappie, but this is purely a myth (makes about as much sense as sea kittens doesn't it?). They actually look pretty much alike to the untrained eye, and they occupy pretty much the same habitat although the blacks prefer slightly clearer water. During the spawn in the spring, coloring of these fish can be deceptive. Generally many of the females look rather fat and bland (engorged with eggs) while the males black and white present a brilliant array of colors, kinda like humans dress up for Mardi Gras or dress to play golf. If you're interested, white crappie have 6 and only 6 spines on their dorsal fin. A black crappie will have 7 or 8 spines. You have to pack a little extra heat down in the da hood, doncha know?

I'm sad to report that uncountable crappie sea kittens have fallen victim to the Sea Kitten Killer of Lost Creek! He is a relentless predator, caring not if his victims are black or white, young or old (only 10 inches long by state regulation). And what's really sad is he couldn't give a hoot in hell for PETA or anyone that belongs to it.

He uses a variety of horrifying and hideous weapons!

The devastating twirl tailed grub!

The horrifying beetle spins!

The getaway vehicle!


Oh the horror! Oh the slaughter!

The Sea Kitten Killer of Lost Creek will tell you that the lowly sea kitten crappie is arguably one of the finest eating fish in the world. With the precision of a surgeon and his trusty electric knife he peels the succulent flesh away from the kitten's backbones, the agonizing kitten screams drowned out by the droning of the electric motor, as he delivers the mild, tender boneless fillet!

Bwaaa Haa Haa! He boasts! I'm going to eat you up! Yum Yum! Eatum Up!

Ya know, I've heard these PETA freaks have actually protested at fishing tournaments, blocked boat ramps, etc. I don't think that has ever happened around here, but I betcha people around here wouldn't take kindly to such intrusion and some PETA freak might end up on the receiving end of someone's second amendment rights (see my previous post, Got Guns?). We do love our hunting and fishing in these parts.

5 comments:

  1. You are probably on PETA's most wanted list now.

    "A black crappie will have 7 or 8 spines. You have to pack a little extra heat down in the da hood, doncha know?" Bwhahahaha

    Debbie Hamilton
    Right Truth

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  2. HOLY CRAPPE, GROUCH! that's why my stream and lake kitten killer husband hasn't been able to catch anything lately - you've cornered the market! now share!

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  3. Put that line of crappie on a grill and call me when they're done. Yummy!!!!!!!

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  4. Don't worry nanc, the sea kittens are very plentiful, plenty to go round. Melissa, I gotta go beat the water and make a few fresh catches and then we can have some good slabs.

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  5. mmm

    Those crappy sure look good and tasty. Are you going to grill or bake them? Pan fried with a good hot sauce?
    mmmm

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