If you have something to say, post a comment. I will not respond to anonymous commenters, so if you care to joust with the GROUCH, open yourself a FREE GMAIL account and get yourself an ID so I'll know who you are.

If you'd like to be a guest contributor, email me at:
Opinions of the guests are not necessarily the opinion of the GROUCH!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Don't Fight It

You know, it's disturbing when nature wakes you up during the night. You just hate it when your sleep is interrupted by that irresistible urge to pee. For a little while you lay there half awake and think, "If I ignore it, it will go away!" When you were younger sometimes you had a "woody" to go with it, but not so much of that anymore.

No such luck, in fact the urge grows stronger, and you really hate it when it happens about 30 minutes before alarm time.

No need to resist. With my trusty LED flashlight in hand, I stumble to the bathroom. I have learned at a younger age that there is absolutely no need to fumble around in the darkness jamming your toes into every piece of furniture between you and the toilet. The only cure for broken toes is tape.

Also, there is a small LED light mounted near the bowl. Sweet wifey (she's so sweet, kinda like Penny) has never liked it when I miss the bowl, although I think all women feel the same way. I think they're just jealous that they have to sit down. In spite of the LED I still miss the bowl sometimes. Once in a while it just never goes where you want it. In my defense I always put the seat back down.

My friend, Clarence, got divorced because he always left the seat up, but Clarence is a story for another post.

Ahhhhhhhhh! It's good to be empty again and I did not spill nary a drop.

In the winter time when it's cold outside, a nice pee in the middle of the night can be quite rewarding when I get to crawl back into the warm spot I left in the bed when I got up a few minutes ago. Ahhhhhhhhhh, nice and warm and quiet…….nitey poo.

By the way men, the older you get, the more often you get to enjoy the nighttime pee. Don't complain. If your prostate gland grows big enough, you might not be able to pee at all.


  1. Bwhahahah. I was wondering what your first real article would be about. I never suspected it would be about a middle of the night visit to the bathroom.

    You readers will be surprised.

    You have either scared potential readers away, or grabbed their attention so they will be back each day to read more. I hope it's the latter.

    Debbie Hamilton
    Right Truth

  2. Uh Muh Guh...

    that is funny! I had a total visual during the whole post.

  3. I hate cleaning up as much as the next guy, so my motto is: Don't Stand For It!

  4. I'm a little older--when growing up as a young boy and early teen we had a out house. Now don't get to thinking,boy did you have to walk out to it in the middle of a cold Feb. night. No thats wasn't the case--just a short trip to the end of the bed to the "pee pot". Yes, had to empty it in the morning. Not too bad! Not to sure that wasn't better than todays method.

  5. get thee some depends!


    my schweetie gets up two to four times in the night - me, i can hold it until next week.