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Monday, June 29, 2009

Moving Life Story

I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women. I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer.

Later in life, questions arose over my real name. My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate..

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn't follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them. That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child. I became active in local politics in my 30's then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for
national office in my 40s.

They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit. I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks. I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country. But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy.

I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed & housed for free. I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations..

I decided to start making citizens hate them & if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight. I called mine "A People's Campaign" and that sounded good to all people.

I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics & was able to gain widespread popular support.

I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope', together we could change our country and the world.

So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities" like the Jews.

My true views were not widely known & I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation's leader.. I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I'm glad they didn't.

Then I became the most powerful man in the world.

And the world learned the truth.

Who am I?.



This masterpiece is not my work, but it is great nevertheless.

Skeeters and Strangers Unite!

Well this Saredee, the 4th of July, the Morbid Strangers will be performing at a place called Texas Bottoms. I never been there, but I am told it is down on "the river". We will be outside, under some kind of a shed, so I figure it will be hotter than 400 hells. I was also told to bring skeeter repellent. I am hoping my niacin and garlic will protect me, but I am not taking any chances. This is strictly an unimproved gig. I was also told to bring drinks and chairs. This should be interesting.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Rocked out

The 412 Grill was thoroughly rocked tonight by the Morbid Strangers. I'm tired but I'm smiling. There's just nothing quite like performing.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


Click the pic for a hi res image:

In my last post, I mentioned my give-a-crap-o-meter. I am surprised that I have not said anything about it on the blog before now. You can't buy one in any store. Only ham radio operators who are electronics wizards can build one.

I have found though that in recent years, things rarely tend to get the needle to move off the "ho-hum" setting.

In other words, I rarely give a crap over much of anything.

Religiously speaking:

Verily, verily I say unto thee,
A crap I giveth not!

What I Believe - Gay People

I must admit that gay people are way way down on my list of things to be concerned about. In fact the needle on my GIVE-A-CRAP-O-METER barely moves when the subject comes up, but a lot of so called conservatives seem to get their panties in quite a knot over this issue so I'll just spout out a few opinions for everyone's amusement.


GAY MARRIAGE - No way. The definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. Now, if you wanna shack up with your same sex lover, that's just fine with me. Gay couples should not be beaten up or threatened. Now if someone hurts a gay person's feelings by making jokes about them, then too bad. Get over it. You have the right to be a tasteless bigot in this country. The constitution gives you no protection from getting your feelings hurt. I figure that a lot of people interested in redefining marriage have ulterior motives anyway. I wager they're looking for a break on their income tax or some other gubment goody afforded to married people. Pretty soon people would be claiming that their dog, their cat, or their horse was their spouse.


Of course, Carrie Prejean, the Miss California USA contestant got in a spot of trouble for having the same opinion as I. Cmon', what kind of question is that to ask in a beauty contest anyway? My opinion of Carrie is that she has a nice set of fake tits. You go girl!

ELLEN DEGENERES - Ya know she had a TV show on a while back. Maybe she was mildly to moderately funny, but I remember that sometimes the only thing laughing was the laugh track.


After a spell her show became unwatchable for me. Every week it seemed she would bring up gay issues on the show and frankly wallow in her gayness. If you wanna be gay, that's fine, just don't expect me to celebrate your gayness with you. Before too long, they took Ellen off. I dunno if other people like me got tired of celebrating her gayness or maybe finally the laugh track was the ONLY thing left laughing. Maybe a combination of both? Hmmmmm?

GAY NEIGHBORS - If I have any, I am not aware of it. If I had a gay neighbor bring me some fresh, home grown tomatoes, I'd be thrilled. I'd thank them. I'd be happy to watch their house when they were gone, feed their cat, help them out......you know....the things that neighbors do for each other.

GAYS IN THE MILITARY - If a person is qualified to do a job, whether it is in the civilian or military world, then I have no problem with them. Where they choose to dip their wick is really a non-issue for me. I was in the military. I knew a few people that were gay and a few more I suspected. I remember a couple of officers being "administratively discharged" because of sexual preferences. This was well before "don't ask, don't tell".

GAY PRIDE PARADES - If you wanna dress up and look and act like a freak, who am I to say no?


I don't imagine I'll be attending...

GAYS IN HELL - Oh some of my conservative "friends" are just sure that God hates gays and will send them all to hell. Last I heard where you end up when you die depends on your relationship with Jesus Christ. Since I can't look into another person's heart and I have no way of knowing what they think or feel, then I have no way of knowing where a gay person will end up. Besides, it's really none of my business. Bunches of Christians do bunches of things every day that I would guess don't meet with the approval of the Almighty. That doesn't mean they will end up roasting like a weenie. If that were the case, everyone would be roasting like a weenie.

SEX CHANGE OPERATIONS - Now I have always felt that you have to play the hand in life that you are dealt. Do we wish that things about our body were different than what God gave us? Sure we do. I guess that's natural, but I don't believe in going around whining and moaning my whole life away wishing something was different. Cosmetic plastic surgeons would be up a creek if people didn't want to change things.


If you're a girl and want to be a boy, ADDADICKTOME, or
if you're a boy and want to be a girl, CHOPADICKOFFAME,
and if you can afford to pay the plastic surgeon, or convince your PRIVATE insurance to cover the surgery, then go for it.

Don't come whining to me or the gubment expecting your gubment funded health insurance to pay for it. Frankly, I do not want to pay for YOUR lack of self esteem. GET OVER IT! Grow a pair, but not on my dime.

CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT PROTECTING TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE - Ya know, I really love the constitution. It is good that the founders defined a way to amend it. The founders also made it very difficult to amend it. I figure the founders thought that an issue better be pretty damned important before you go and amend the document. Somehow I just don't think that a definition of marriage warrants an amendment. Like with everything else, abortion included, let the voters of each state decide these issues, keep the courts out of it, and let the will of the people prevail.


Grouch, signing off!

Rockin' the Night Away

Join those Strangers, oh so Morbid, tonight as we rock the 412 Grill. The rockin' should start about 9PM and I guess we'll go until we poop out.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

On the Lighter Side

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. Thought you'd like to know.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Fun at Arby's

If yall read my junk here, you know that I like Arby's roast beast sammiches. If you wanna have a little fun, go in there and get ready to order, and begin by saying,

"I want this to eat here."

Give them your order, and then finish up by saying,

"I want this to eat here."

9 times out of 10 the little pimply faced teenager behind the counter will say,

"Do you want this to eat here or to go?"

Try it! Obviously the management at Arby's has figured out that it is easy to program pimply faced teenagers, and once you get them programmed, there is no way for them to abort their programming.

Unfortunately, some of these pimply faced teenagers go on to become college students where liberal professors successfully program their little skulls full of mush with left wing crapola, and they gradjiate college thinking all that crapola is the truth. Never mind they have had no real world experience.

It's not just Arby's. I got mad at some pimply faced illegal immigrant teenager at a Wendy's in Florida cause she axed me about 3 times in broken English if I wanted to make my order into a "BIGGIE". I finally got mad and told her if I wanted a BIGGIE anything I would let her know. She was so flustered that she couldn't ask me about a BIGGIE anymore that she axed me if I wanted to talk to the manager.......SIGH!

I told the manager who was not much more than a pimply faced teenager that I was really irritated that she kept axing be if I wanted to BIGGIE my order.

The manager said I could have a BIGGIE at no extra charge.......SIGH!

What I Believe - The Military

This is a tough post for me. The use of our military at any time stirs mixed emotions. However, the fact of the matter is that this is a dangerous world. There are people out there that want to kill us simply because of who we are and what we believe. Contrary to what some on the left would have us think, there is no negotiating with people like that. The only choice is to defeat them.

I have said many times that the only roll of the federal gubment should be to print money and defend the shores. If you read the constitution you will find no other powers granted to almighty Uncle Sam. The rest is left to the states. Left with this task, the federal gubment should make it its bidness to do a damn good job of national defense.

I believe no expense should be spared when it comes to our military, peace through strength as Reagan put it. The country should strive to have the highest tech weapons possible. We should strive to have the most competent and highly trained military possible, and we should make it clear to the rest of the world that if you mess with the United States, we will kick your ass back to the stone age. Sadly we have fallen short here. I fear most of the world thinks we are a paper tiger. From what I have read, this is exactly why Osama Bin Laden figured he could get away with attacking us. From what I have seen lately, he is probably right.

Some in the strictly libertarian camp as well as many others think we should withdraw our military from hotspots around the world and take a purely isolationist stance. 100 years ago, this might have worked. Most thought our oceans would protect us from attack. In fact even before world war 2, we were kinda like this. Europe became overrun by Hitler and we sat on the sidelines. Now we did help Great Britain and Russia with supplies. Some freelance American pilots joined the RAF and fought the Germans before we entered the war. The Flying Tigers fought with the Chinese against Japan before the US officially became involved. It is interesting to speculate what would have happened if Japan had not attacked Pearl Harbor or at least the delayed the attack. What if Hitler had not declared war on the US after the attack, or delayed the declaration? What if Britain had fallen?

We know now that Hitler was working on nuclear weapons. We know that he was working on ways to deliver such weapons across the ocean to the US. Eventually the protection of our oceans would have become useless as is the case today.

I don’t believe it is realistic in the present day to advocate an isolationist military policy. Of course there are ways to reduce our involvement on the world military stage. One way that would make a huge difference is to eliminate our dependence on foreign oil and that would entail drilling for our own, but that is a topic for another post. As long as we get oil from the middle east, we will be militarily involved there, there is no way around this fact. I would cheer the day that we tell OPEC to go to hell and let them eat sand. I’m not holding my breath that this will ever become a reality.

Since Vietnam and to some extent in Korea it seems like we have made it a point to tie the hands of our military. You hear stories about the “rules of engagement”. In Vietnam we refused to bomb SAM missile sites in the north (before they were completed) for fear of hurting “Russian advisors”. There is no telling how many of our pilots ended up lost or killed because of this boneheaded policy.

George Patton wanted to attack the Russians after WW2 when we had the army there to do it. Patton was a little “out there” I’ll admit but I’m not sure that he wasn’t right about that one. MacArthur wanted to use nuclear weapons against the Chinese after they flooded into North Korea. He was a little “out there” as well but the gargoyle might not be threatening us with nukes today if we had pursued that course.

My point is that if we are going to go to war, there should be no rules of engagement. The war should be prosecuted quickly, ruthlessly, and violently. If we are not willing to do this, we should not do it at all. We get way too concerned over what the rest of the world thinks of us. Frankly I don’t give a rat’s ass what the rest of the world thinks. Since WW2 most of Europe has more or less rested on their asses and cultivated their little social experiments and social democracies and have left it to Uncle Sam to come to their defense. Yet these same countries will be the first to criticize and complain when we do something militarily that they don’t like. Isn’t it funny that when a European country comes to the defense of the United States that it is usually one that was formerly behind the iron curtain? Many of those people have fresh recollections of what it was like to live under tyranny.

It makes no difference to me whether you agree with our presence in Iraq or not. The fact is that we are there. If it had been up to me, Saddam Hussein would have been removed in 1991 when we had the army there to do it, and also a damn good reason to do it. When we went there in 2003, we should have violently prosecuted the war and not worried about world opinion or negotiating with some mullah or some cleric or worrying about collateral damage. We did not worry much about collateral damage in WW2. In war, innocent people get hurt. That’s why they call it war. Now if you cannot stomach that idea, fine, don’t use the military. Let’s just negotiate with North Korea, and Iran, and see how far we get.

And when it is all said and done, our enemies and any other potential enemies that remain should be left with nothing but abject fear of the United States and realize there is no limit of reprisal against them if they first lift a hand against us. I have always enjoyed a statement by the marine corps, “No Greater Friend, No Worse Enemy!” I dunno if that is a marine corps original, but it should be the world view of the United States.

By the way, before I go, should there be a draft? The only way I would be for a draft is if the very existence of the country depended on it. Unfortunately, if it ever gets to that point, it may already be too late.

Our all volunteer military is the finest fighting force in history. They deserve nothing but our gratitude and respect.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

No Skeeters Here

Here is your weekly health tip from Dr. Grouch. For those of you troubled by pesky mosquitoes during the warm months, might I suggest a combination of niacin (vitamin B3) and garlic.

I take a gram of niacin twice daily for my cholesterol and also a gram of odorless garlic twice daily. The role of niacin in raising HDL (good cholesterol) is clear. The benefit of garlic on cholesterol is a little more fuzzy.

Anyway, a nice side effect of this combination for me is that it seems to repel mosquitoes. The little buggers will sometimes swarm around me, sniffing of my breath, but it is a rarity that one will ever land. Since I've been taking niacin and garlic, I can't remember ever having to use insect repellent. Yall probably know by now that I have poor taste. The mosquitoes apparently think so too.

There is documentation of B vitamins repelling mosquitoes, but most of this has been focused on B1 (thiamine). I dunno if it is the combo of niacin and garlic or one or the other, but it works for me.

I heard that after Barack pushes through his gubment health plan, he will mandate that all of you start taking niacin and garlic to reduce the incidence of St. Louis encephalitis and malaria, so you might as well start taking it now.

Monday, June 22, 2009

So Proud to be standing next to Barack!

I got this bit of nonsense today from the American Heart Association. I sure do get tired of busybodies figuring out what is good for me. In the last 57 years, I've done a pretty good job of figuring that out for myself. Read my reply to Nancy Brown at the end of the letter.

Today, we’re celebrating a monumental victory in the fight against heart disease and stroke. Representing the American Heart Association’s 22 million volunteers, supporters and dedicated staff, AHA President Dr. Timothy Gardner and I were thrilled to stand with President Obama at the White House as he signed the bipartisan Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act. This legislation represents another huge step toward breaking the deadly cycle of tobacco addiction that leads to an increased risk of heart disease and stroke for millions of Americans.

This bill, which had tremendous support from Republicans and Democrats alike, will give the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) the clear authority to regulate the manufacturing, advertising and promotion of tobacco products in order to protect public health. The bill also focuses on limiting advertising that targets our kids. It is estimated that the legislation will result in an eleven percent decline in underage smoking over the next decade and will significantly reduce the annual $100 billion cost for tobacco-related illnesses in the U.S.

Why is this legislative victory so important? Nearly one-third of cardiovascular disease deaths are linked to smoking, and tobacco use is the single most preventable cause of heart disease and stroke. For generations, tobacco companies lied to the public about the deadly dangers of tobacco use. They lied about the addictiveness of nicotine. They made misleading health claims about light and low-tar products. And they shamelessly and aggressively marketed to children to attract new smokers. These unconscionable practices will finally be reined in with effective government oversight of an industry that has placed profits above the health of the American people.

American Heart Association volunteers and staff, along with our public health partners, have been working for over a decade to see this legislation become law. We are extremely proud to have played a major role in moving this legislation through Congress and to have had the opportunity to join our Congressional champions today in witnessing the bill signing.

This measure, along with many other policy initiatives the association supports on the local, state and national level, directly impacts our mission to build healthier lives free of cardiovascular disease and stroke. This historic public health victory would not have been possible without the tenacious efforts and unwavering support of our You’re the Cure advocates — the volunteers and staff who worked to generate Congressional and public support for the measure.

If you are not already involved, you too can play a vital role in American Heart Association legislative advocacy efforts. Start today by thanking Members of Congress and the President for making this legislation a reality. Visit heartprescription.org to send your email.

I would also like to extend a personal and very special thank you to former CEOs Cass Wheeler and Dudley Hafner, who devoted much of their AHA careers to advancing this issue by meeting with members of Congress and speaking out loudly about the deadly effects of tobacco on our nation’s youth.

And finally, while the FDA bill represents an important victory, the fight against tobacco is not over. We must continue to push for smoke-free workplace laws, higher tobacco excise taxes and funding for comprehensive smoking prevention and cessation programs to help break the cycle of addiction and create a healthier environment for our families. We’re counting on your continued support to help us achieve these important goals.


Nancy Brown
Chief Executive Officer

P.S. You can learn more about this bill and our other legislative issues and share your comments on our You’re the Cure blog. You may also want to join Cass Wheeler, our former CEO, on Twitter as he shares his thoughts on this historic win. Follow him @casswheeler.

My reply:

Dear Nancy,

Oh I'm so glad to know that people like you and Barack Obama are so busy deciding what is good for me and looking out for me.

I'm sorry to tell you that I figured out for myself that smoking was bad. I did not need you or Barack to tell me so.

I'm really pissed that you have taken it upon yourself along with Barack and a bunch of other busybody Dimocrats and Republicans to legislate away my freedom. Tobacco is a legal substance. If I want to smoke it, it is my right and I should not suffer any interference from you. If I want to allow people to smoke in my restaurant, it is MY business. NOT YOURS. If people don't want to come into my restaurant, they don't have to.

I would appreciate it if you would not send any more emails telling me how thrilled you are to be standing next to this disgrace we have for a president. He's nothing more than a communist and will work hard at every turn to take our freedoms away and make us wards of the state.

Thomas M. Hamilton MD.

I dunno if Nancy will ever see my reply.....probably not, but some know-it-all do gooder staffer may see it. I hope they are absolutely shocked and appalled!


Friday, June 19, 2009

Apocalypse NOW???

I got this from my friend, Lizzard's blog. Pretty good reading I think:


Pastor's wife's letter
How's this for apocalyptic literature. This was written by a pastor's wife in biblical prose as a commentary of current events. It is Brilliant.

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as "The One".
He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you. My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evil doers are of no consequence. For I
shall save you with Hope and Change.
Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built must be destroyed." And the people rejoiced, for even though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised that it was good; and they believed. And "The One" said "We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!" And the people said, "Hallelujah! Change is good!"

Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the people said "Sock it to them!" "And redistribute their wealth." And the people said, "Show us the money!" And then He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody."

And Joe the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One" ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized.
One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?"
And she was banished from the kingdom!

Go HERE to read the rest and leave him a comment:

What I Believe- Global Warming

So every day, we hear the doomsayers say that if we don’t do something about global warming RIGHT NOW, the planet is doomed. We must institute cap and trade. We must do away with incandescent light bubs in favor of CFL’s. We must all drive electric cars and install windmills in our back yard. ALL the experts agree that man made global warming is a fact and we must act now! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Wait a minute! Let’s take a deep breath and think about this for a while. To get on board with this global warming thing from an intellectual point of view (not just because it makes you feel better) you have to ask yourself at least 5 distinct questions:

1. Is there global warming?
2. If there is global warming, is it necessarily bad?
3. If there is global warming, is there any significant contribution to it by the activities of mankind?
4. If we find that man made global warming is a fact, is there anything we can do to stop it?
5. If we can stop global warming, what are the best scientifically proven methods that would really make a difference?

I’d like to address the first 3 of these questions. There will be no need for me to delve farther than this into the topic.


Of course there is global warming. Science has proven that the earth has undergone periods of warming. It has also undergone massive periods of cooling, evidence the ice ages. In the last 20 years or so the left wing doomsayers have ratcheted up the argument that global warming is a fact and it is all our fault. Unfortunately for them, there is evidence that the earth has actually been cooling since 1997. I have heard from those on the left that this is in fact a “temporary anomaly” and things will start warming again very soon. Really? If memory serves me correctly, it was back in the 1970’s that the doomsayers were worried about a period of global cooling and they were afraid we were heading toward another ice age. Well, which is it? You can’t have it both ways. Temporary anomaly? I could just as easily posit that any warming in the last 20 years was a temporary anomaly and we are in fact headed for another ice age.

I think the place where people fall into the global warming trap is that they try to figure things out from the limited perspective of their very short time on this earth. We think that the human race as we know it has only been around for between 6000 and 10000 years, and in that time we have only had the ability and technology to measure what has been going on on the earth for about the last 150 years. But according to science, the earth has been around for about 4 billion years. Our time here is but like a grain of sand on the sea shore of time.

Geologically and climatologically speaking, 10000 years is nothing but a blip in the grand scheme of things. We have evidence of very warm and very cold periods on this planet, but these events have occurred in time spans encompassing tens of thousands of years and sometimes millions of years. We have difficulty getting our arms around such vast expanses of time I think.

So to answer the question, yes there is global warming, countered by equal periods of global cooling. Is global warming occurring right NOW? It is impossible to say for sure based on observation from the last 25 years or so.


Consider what our life and society might be like if we lived in an ice age. Europe would be mostly covered with ice as would probably half the continental United States. Most of the people on earth would probably live in equatorial regions. I would conjecture that the earth would be far less populated than it is right now. There would be less opportunity for agriculture. Last I heard you can’t grow crops or raise livestock on a glacier. The global warming fanatics will throw out the notion that we are having more numerous and more violent hurricanes, more numerous and more violent tornadoes, melting of the polar ice caps, destruction of the polar bears, all because of global warming.

Really? As far back as I can remember and before, we’ve had hurricanes, and some really bad ones. Read about the Galveston hurricane of 1900 or the great 1935 hurricane in the Florida Keys. Those were pretty bad storms.

Are there more tornadoes today than 50 years ago? Probably not. Are there more documented tornadoes today? Definitely so. Is this because there are more actual tornadoes or is this because with our use of satellites, Doppler radar, and training of spotters, we actually identify more? Probably the later. Until the Greensburg, KS. tornado on May 4, 2007, there had not been a documented F5 tornado since May 3, 1999 in Oklahoma City. Also today many fewer people perish in tornadoes than did 50 or 100 years ago, simply because science is now able to warn the public in advance. To say that we have more and more violent tornadoes today because of global warming is simply just not true.

Are the ice caps really melting. I have read many reports stating that the caps in Greenland and in Antarctica are actually increasing. I have also read reports that the polar bear populations in Alaska have increased. Of course you will hear little of this from the gubment run media which is in the tank with the left.

So who’s to say that a warmer earth is worse than a moderate or a colder earth? A warmer earth certainly could provide a more habitable climate in higher latitudes and more opportunity for agriculture. That indeed might be a good thing on the grand scheme of things.


It is amusing to listen to the gubment run mainstream media spout the statement that there is CONSENSUS among scientists that global warming is real and that it is caused by us. In fact there are probably as many or more scientists who disagree with the notion of man made global warming and there are a bunch of scientists who have voiced no opinion at all, one way or another. Many times those scientists who question global warming will be vilified by the gubment run media and others on the left. What? They can no longer express their opinion?

Here’s the dictionary definition of consensus:

1.majority of opinion: The consensus of the group was that they should meet twice a month.
2.general agreement or concord; harmony.

If you’ve been paying attention, it is a stretch to claim there is consensus on this issue.

Now I am not a climatologist, but let’s plug in a little common sense. Are you going to tell me that the car I drive, the type of light bub I use, where I set my thermostat, or what I spray out of a can under my armpit is going to cause the earth to warm when a single volcanic eruption on the scale of mount St. Helens, Pinatubo, or Krakatoa will eject more so called pollutants into the atmosphere than mankind has ever emitted to date? Indeed these eruptions can affect the global climate, but those changes are apparently temporary and things eventually return to the status quo. Cows, other livestock, and wild animals (polar bears included) have been farting methane for multimillions of years. Suddenly it is a crisis? Good Lord people, we exhale carbon dioxide, and the global population is increasing. When are those on the left going to insist on mass exterminations to save the planet?

I think it was last year, or maybe the year before when I heard that some place in Washington State was going to ban bonfires on the beach because they contributed to global warming. At the same time many fires which encompassed hundreds of square miles were occurring in the western United States. I got a real belly laugh over this. Those idiots in Washington State really thought that a few bonfire were going to make a difference?!?!?!?

Algore has said the debate about global warming is over. Says who? What the heck does Algore know? Does the fact he wrote a science fiction thriller, An Inconvenient Truth, make Algore an expert? Algore is a hack politician. He is a liberal. He is from my state. I never voted for him and never will. Furthermore I refuse to believe a damned thing spewing from his hypocritical mouth. His primary interest is in having a podium and making money.

To summarize my position:
1. There is global warming, and also global cooling.
2. Global warming is not necessarily a bad thing.
3. There is no evidence that the activities of man have any influence on the warming or cooling of the climate.

Having said this, there is no need for me to conjecture about remedies for global warming. In fact it is clear to me that global warming is one of the greatest hoaxes ever perpetrated by the left. Those on the left are not interested in saving the planet. The driving force at the root of all this is power and control. They want to take more and more of your freedom away and dictate to you what to eat, what to drive, where to set your thermostat, how to light your home, how many cattle you can have on your farm and on and on and on.

Unfortunately there are many out there who are not paying attention, are poorly informed, are led by feelings rather than common sense, or just don’t care. These people are willing to drink the global warming Koolaid and little by little give up more and more of their precious freedom and pay enormous sums of money in the face of an already dismal economy to fuel nothing more than a gigantic hoax.

I really get frosted by Republicans like John McCain and George W. Bush who sign on to the idea of man made global warming and then try and tell the left how we can come up with better ideas to make global warming go away. Conservatives need to stand up and say, “Enough! We’re not gonna take this anymore! We’re not gonna fund another penny toward this stupid hoax. From this day forward we are going to defend freedom and liberty!”

God help me! I am so ready for this to happen!


Father's Day Surprise

Boy, am I a lucky duck or what?

I got my early Father's Day surprise from my sweet baby girl, Penny.

She got me a large banner for the Morbid Strangers band and also some business cards. What a thoughtful thing for Penny to do! I betcha the guys in the band will like this too.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Socialized Auto Repair and Car Care

The dictum finally came down from the lord Barack Obama, the messiah, the most merciful that all the land should be taxed and part of the proceeds would be used to fund socialized car care.

Mac the mechanic, who had been an auto mechanic for at least 30 years received notice in the mail that he would no longer be able to bill people directly for his services, but would rather have to send a monthly claim to the administration of car care and auto repair. Mac had always pretty much run a cash and carry service. His loyal customers would bring their cars in for service. Mac, who was very competent and very well liked, would go over the problems with his clientele, make the authorized repairs, get paid in cash, and everyone was happy. If any unexpected problems occurred, Mac would do his best to make things right.

Well, suddenly, Mac found out that the gubment would not accept paper claims from him. The gubment required that Mac submit electronic claims. Poor Mac did not know a thing about computers. He called the car care and auto repair administration to complain but was told that this was "change he could believe in" and that he would be required to buy a complete computer system, the latest gubment claim submittal software, and a high speed internet connection, as well as hire a technician to train Mac and his staff on the proper utilization of the system.

Bewildered customers began to appear wanting their cars repaired. According to the latest gubment rules, Mac was no longer allowed to accept their money, but would be paid based on the primary problem with the car. Mr. Jones brought in his car because it was missing. Mac found it needed new spark plugs. While under the hood, Mac also found a leak in the radiator and a worn brake pad. Mac was surprised to find out that the gubment would only pay Mac for the new spark plugs, and only about 40 percent of his usual and customary charge for labor. They would not pay him anything for the radiator repair and installation of the new brake pad. His payment was based only on the primary problem.

After Mr. Jones drove the car off the lot a fan belt broke. Mr. Jones brought the car back to Mac. The gubment now informed Mac that he would not be paid anything at all. They were denying his claim entirely stating that Mac must have done something to cause that fan belt to break.

After a time, Mac started refusing to service older cars. There was so much wrong with the old cars that he could not make anything trying to service them.

Pretty soon, people started bringing in cars for Mac to see even when there was nothing wrong with them. This was because all the people were told that they could have their car serviced for FREE. With their new gubment car care plan, they would be charged NOTHING!

Many of Mac's previously loyal customers started to get angry with Mac. They had seen gubment run ads on TV stating that greedy auto mechanics were the cause of high costs and inefficiency in the system, and that further reform and regulation needed to be done to take care of greedy people like Mac.

In the next few months, Mac received a notice that he was going to have to start doing customer quality surveys at his own expense. The results of these surveys would be used by the gubment to determine the quality of auto care. Those mechanics with high marks would receive more pay while those with lower marks would receive less. The criteria and questions would be formulated by "experts" at Harvard and Yale. The results would be posted on the internet for all to see.

Some of the larger auto repair places were able to hire consultants to help them get better survey scores. Unfortunately Mac could not afford such consultants so he ended up getting paid even less. Some of Macs previous customers started going elsewhere because of Mac's lower scores reducing his income even further.

Eventually, Mac went bankrupt and was forced into early retirement. His only means of support now is social security which turned out not to be as much as he had hoped since the gubment raised the full benefit age to 88 shortly before he retired. Also, Mac found that his 401K money had been spent by Barack Obama to fund his new healthcare plan.

So that vile, greedy, auto mechanic Mac, finally got his just rewards.

For those of you that are smiling at my work of pure fiction, realize that this is exactly the way that the gubment deals with doctors and hospitals. And the Dimocrats wonder why we look at them with so much disdain when they suggest a gubment run healthcare program.

For related articles, check out my diatribes:
What I Believe - The Solution to the "Healthcare Crisis" - Part 1
What I Believe - The Solution to the "Healthcare Crisis" - Part 2

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Holy Toledo!

Well, here's a news story from Toledo, OH. People are being fined $25 for parking in their own driveways. The hell of it is is that the city has allowed street, bridge, and harbor workers to issues citations. Now they employ other citizens to spy on you and mind your business for you.

Apparently, you're not allowed to park your own car in your own driveway on your own private property if it is parked in the "turn-around" area of the driveway. I can only assume that the city also mandates that driveways have "turn-around" areas.

We're talking about PRIVATE PROPERTY folks. Oh well, this is what happens when you allow the gubment to dictate where you can smoke, where you can carry your gun, what light bubs to use etc.

Stories like this really piss me off.

The good citizens of Toledo should tell city officials to go straight to hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Then again, the citizens voted them in to begin with. Elections matter. Betcha it's mostly a buncha Dimocrats with a few "moderate" Republicans in the mix.

Go HERE to read the whole story. Geez!


Monday, June 15, 2009

Advice to Obama

I was sitting here listening to Obama address the AMA. He said to the doctors,

"Tell me what to do."

Okay, here goes,

"Resign. Go back to Kenya."


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Hag Day?????

Do you ever look at something and it registers as something different than it really is? I was walking by the TV today and I happened to glance at the screen. I could have sworn the screen said HAG DAY! Of course it said Flag Day, which is today, but the choice of font made it appear otherwise. Ya know, congress is always busy doing a bunch of useless crap. Perhaps we should encourage them to declare a new national holiday......HAG DAY! After all, the hags of America need recognition too.

Click on the picture for a high res image:

Yeah, I know.....I should be required to attend classes on sensitivity training......NAH! I AIN'T GOIN'!

What I Believe - A Song

Yall know I like music. Here's the lyrics to a song called My Life by Billy Joel. This pretty much sums up the way I feel about things.

Got a call from an old friend
We used to be real close
Said he couldn't go on the American way
Closed the shop, sold the house
Bought a ticket to the West Coast
Now he gives them a stand-up routine in L.A.

I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(I never said)
I still belong, don't get me wrong
And you can speak your mind
But not on my time

They will tell you, you can't sleep alone in a strange place
Then they'll tell you, you can't sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay, you wake up with yourself

I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(Of cirumstance)
I still belong, don't get me wrong
And you can speak your mind
But not on my time

I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

What I Believe - Smoking, Crash Helmets, and Seat Belts

Any idiot out there knows smoking is bad for you. I betcha even most Obama voters know that smoking is bad. Don't tell me that you're entitled to some multimillion dollar judgment from tobacco companies cause you didn't know that cigarettes would hurt you. No doubt about it, you should not smoke.

I just heard the other day that the almighty federal gubment was going to mandate the amount of nicotine in cigarettes. Last year, the state of Tennessee passed a law prohibiting smoking in restaurants and other public places. Many of my so called conservative friends cheered the ruling. Oh smoking is bad, they should ban it in restaurants! "We're saving the CHILDREN!" Many Republican lawmakers also cheered.

This is the tip of the iceberg my friends. Last I heard, tobacco was a legal substance. Tobacco companies are privately owned entities with stockholders, boards of directors directors, CEO's, and many many employees. Find for me in the U.S. Constitution where the federal gubment is empowered to ban smoking ads on TV. You can't find it. Find for me where the gubment is empowered to regulate nicotine in cigarettes!!!

If I am the private owner of a restaurant, what right does the state or anyone else have to come in to my establishment and tell me that my customers cannot smoke? I don't give a damn about the children and I don't give a damn about employees breathing second hand smoke. If I post a sign saying "smokers welcome" then you sure as hell don't have to come in and sit down. You don't have to wag your screaming little brat in there either and then turn around and complain about the smoking. And if you don't wanna work around the smoke in my place, you don't have to apply for a job. It's just that simple! GET THE GUBMENT OUT OF MY LIFE AND OUT OF MY BIDNESS!

There is no doubt that seat belts save lives. After working many years as an ER physician, I can attest to the fact that the most seriously injured people in car wrecks are the ones not wearing seat belts. To keep yourself (an average sized adult) from hitting the dashboard in a 30 mph crash, you would have to be able to bench press 17,000 pounds. I didn't make this up. I believe some guy a little smarter than me, Issac Newton, came up with it. I have even had rednecks argue with me about it. There is no point in arguing with a redneck. People will often have difficulty discerning who the idiot is.

Issac Newton

In spite of Issac Newton and rednecks, the state of Tennessee or any other state has no business telling me that I am compelled to wear my seat belt. Yes, it is a good idea, and you're stupid not to do it, but the gubment should not be in the business of legislating common sense. I get so sick and tired of liberals making decisions about what is best for me and trying to keep me safe. If I want to put my head through the windshield, then that is my business.

I am not as convinced about the use of crash helmets for motorcyclists as I am seat belts. Perhaps in minor, slow speed mishaps they may help keep you from scraping the skin off of one side of your head, but in a high speed crash where the rider pile drives a semi truck at 60mph, I'm not sure that the helmet will do much good. Nevertheless, the gubment has no bidness telling me I have to wear a helmet. If I wanna turn my head into a pile of mush, it's my own damned decision, although I always wore a helmet when I used to ride (my choice).

Bit by bit, the gubment at all levels tries to slowly chip away at our freedoms. They tell us when and where we can smoke. They tell us we have to wear our seat belts or they're gonna spank our little bottoms. The tell us what kind of light bulbs to use. They tell us where to set our thermostats. Pretty soon they're gonna be mandating what kind of cars we have to drive.

If the facist dictator, Hussein Obama, gets his way and nationalizes our healthcare system, it won't be long until the federal gubment will not only regulate your smoking, but it will begin to micromanage every aspect of your behavior. They will tell you how much to eat, drink, exercise, force you to buy health insurance with many options that people neither need or want, and all in the name of the greater good. If they decide your behavior is driving up the cost of healthcare (and you can bet your ass it will be EXPENSIVE) then they will regulate or even ban that behavior.

It won't happen overnight, but it will be a slow and insideous process, until one day, you'll wake up and say, "Where did all my freedom go?"

Be careful people and the next time some politician wants to institute another stupid law "for your own good", say, "thanks but no thanks", and vote the bastard out of office next time around.

Many Thanks

Many thanks to Memories and those Strangers, oh so Morbid. We all had a rockin' good time last night. Sweet Wifey managed to tag along in spite of her weakened condition.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Gig Time

Just wanted to remind everyone that Morbid Strangers has a gig tomorrow night (Saturday) at Memories in Centerville. I reckon we'll start about 9pm and finish when we finish. C'mon over.

What I Believe - Abortion

Well I'll start out with an easy one. Now the straight libertarian view, if there is such a thing, would tend to come down on the side of pro-choice since the pure libertarian would propose that a woman could do whatever she wanted with her body without interference from a gubment or anyone else.

I however feel that you should be allowed to do whatever you wish with your body AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT INFRINGE ON THE LIFE AND RIGHTS OF SOMEONE ELSE.

So with this we open the can of worms. The left wing view takes the rather shaky position that a fetus is not a person and has no rights. Some laws state that abortion is legal only in the first trimester, and after that not. Some, as our glorious president Barack Hussein Obama, the messiah, the most merciful, have in fact sanctioned infanticide by allowing the viable product of a botched late term abortion to be exterminated.

So when does a fetus become a person? When does a fetus have rights? When does the fetus have the right to LIFE, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Can anyone answer this question for me with certainty? I think not.

I happen to believe that life begins at conception or at least implantation when the fetus has a chance, if left alone, for survival. I cannot prove this. On the other hand I challenge anyone out there in blog land to disprove it. Does a fetus have rights only after the first trimester? Really? Howzat? Just because some judge in a court somewhere said so? That doesn't do it for me.

If you believe in God and scripture then you also believe that God states, "Thou shalt not kill." When life begins is not something that is left to me to decide. I'm gonna play it safe and assume that life begins at conception. Assuming this and assuming there is a God in heaven, then I must declare that abortion is forbidden. If I am going to err then I am going to err on the side of life.

If I have any explaining to do, I'd rather explain to some woman why she should not have an abortion rather than have to stand before God and explain why I needlessly took a human life.

And girls, if you don't wanna have babies, for God's sake, keep your legs together. It's just that simple.

Now all you liberals can run screeching into the sunset with your hair on fire!

What I Believe

In my sidebar to the left, I describe myself as a right leaning libertarian. I been thinking about things to write about here and I thought about a series of individual posts about topics on which I have an opinion. I'm gonna write about the constitution, federalism, abortion, gay marriage, global warming, energy, healthcare, education, gun control, drug laws, private property rights, the free market, the military, terrorism, taxes, and I may even think of a few more things to cover. When I get done, maybe you can decide if I am a right leaning libertarian or maybe something else. Anyway, it will give you all a reason to check in and read.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A Small Scare

This morning about 11am, sweet wifey slipped on some wet stairs. She fell and broke several ribs on her left side and also cracked the transverse processes in several of her lumbar vertebrae. She's ok. No internal damage but she's in a lot of pain. She's staying at the chamber of horrors overnight mainly for pain control. Maybe I can bring her home tomorrow, but I imagine she'll be moving slow for a while. I don't guess there will be any blogging at Right Truth until she gets home.

Where's my zapper?

A few weeks ago sweet wifey and I went to the Arby's restaurant in Dickson, TN. I do love their delicious roast beast sammiches. We arrived in different vehicles. I was coming back from Dayton, OH. We were going to rendezvous there and go on to the Morbid Strangers gig in Centerville, TN.

I got there first and waited a little while. Shortly after I turned off the engine some girl in a little car pulled in a couple of spaces down. She had all her windows down and the stereo going full blast and was playing some of the most vile rap music I had heard in a while. I actually don't consider rap to be music. It's just a bunch of nonsensical noise, you know, but after all I'm a racist. What the hell do I know?

Booming all over the parking lot was a fine selection of F-word, N-word, bitches, hoes, but mostly F-word.

Now if this girl wants to listen to this crap, that's fine with me, but I don't understand why she thinks everyone else in the parking lot needs to listen to it as well. Arby's after all is a family restaurant. People wag their screaming little brats there to annoy the hell out of other people who prefer peace and quiet. This rap music thing is probably not the most wholesome thing for these screaming little brats to hear.

At the volume she was listening, she'll probably be stone deaf in about 15 years or so and then get herself on the gubment dole in the form of disability. Then she'll get a taxpayer funded check with which to go buy her rap tunes. Of course she'll need a huge amplifier and headphones to even hear them. More gunment funded electronics.

I've always wished that someone would invent a personal electromagnetic stun gun which you could point at the offending vehicle, pull the trigger, and immediately and permanently fry the insides of car stereos. It would have been fun to have had one that day. I would have enjoyed watching her little 50 IQ brain try and figure out what had happened to her stereo.

Thankfully, sweet wifey appeared a short time later and we went inside for our sammiches. It was only then that it dawned on me that this girl in the car was an employee at the Arby's. I saw her reporting for work after we sat down inside. I thought for a moment about complaining to the manager, but then I had second thoughts and decided the manager might just think I was one of those easily offended people. Offended is not the right adjective to use. I actually just would have enjoyed getting her little skanky ass in trouble. A racist like me is just that way.

My friend, Lizzard, is pretty inventive. Maybe I'll see if he can invent an EMP stun gun.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I'm a rich, white, confederate flag waving racist!

It's not every day that someone out of the blue accuses me of being a rich, white, confederate flag waving racist. What is even more rare is when someone who doesn't know you, someone who has never seen you, someone who has never talked to you accuses you of that.

Well, it happened to me this week. As you probably know, my sweet wifey has a conservative blog called Right Truth. She posts stories from all over the news and the blogosphere and she is very careful to get her facts right. My blog on the other hand has a much more personal slant. It is pretty much what I think about things. If you don't like what I think then that's tough. If you lose sleep over what I think, then I'm thrilled! And I don't really give a rat's ass if I hurt your feelings.

Now this idiot, who calls himself Kid Funkadelic who it turns out is a pip squeak punk black kid from Cleveland, proceeded to hurl these accusations at me on my wifey's blog. I wasn't going to say anything, but sweet wifey commented to him, so that was the green light to me to let him have a dose of conservative reality. It's really funny when these left wing idiots just think they can hurls their little turdlettes at people with impunity. So many so called Republicans are so afraid to say anything. They wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, you know. NOT ME! Ahem.......

Anyway, I thought all yall might enjoy reading a profesionally done flame from an expert, ME. So here is a message from The Grouch at Right Truth to Kid Funkadelic:

Dear Funkadelic,

I dunno where you ever got the idea that I am a confederate flag waving racist. I don't even have a confederate flag, but if I did it sure as hell would not be any of your damned business. This is America. If I wanna wave a confederate flag I'll do it.

I also don't know how it is you know that I am rich as you stated in some moronic response to one of my wife's posts. Did you figure out a way to hack into my bank account or something?

I guarantee you that what we have today was earned through months and years of study and hard work. Nobody gave us a damned thing. We didn't sit around feeling sorry for ourselves waiting for some entitlement or gubment program to come to our rescue. I figure by listening to you that you're probably on one or two entitlement programs yourself which the rest of us hard working folks have to pay for. Of course, you're not thankful. You just bitch cause whitey has given you the shaft.

Sounds like you're just another left wing, hate filled sonofabitch who has got nothing better to do than spew your bullshit on other people's blogs.

And you probably voted for Obama for no reason other than he is black. That makes YOU the asshole racist. Barack sure doesn't have any other qualifications to hold the office of president.

I hope he turns out to be an utter failure. I agree with Rush Limbaugh. I want the president to fail. I couldn't care less what color he is, but I do care that he is driving this country to socialism and is spending money that my grandson has not even thought about earning yet.

Finally, I figure that you are one of the sorriest human beings I have heard from in a very long, and trust me, I have seen a whole bunch of sorry excuses for human beings in my time.

I wouldn't mind spending about 10 minutes alone with you in a room, cause I got the feeling that someone needs to take your inner child and kick its little ass.

And after that, I'd take my brand new confederate flag and stick it up your ass, just to shut you up, because that is the hole that you speak from about 99 percent of the time.

So there ys go ASSHOLE!

The Grouch at Right Truth

Boy doesn't it just thrill your soul to read a flame from a professional? Well Funkadelic did send a reply, and he seemed a bit disjointed. He did finally tell me that I did not "earn my status" and he also said that if I were black that I would not be a doctor at all!

How the hell does he know this? If I were black, I certainly could have made all the same decisions that led me to the point in my life that I am at right now. I have several black colleagues, a couple whom I call friends. They made it just fine and you don't hear them going around saying, "Woe is me, whitey gave me the shaft."

This is a problem with so many black people in American today. They proceed to wrap themselves in their blackness, and whine and complain. They continue to vote for the liberal Dimocrat party who for the last 50 years has made them promises over and over again for a better life, and yet they are no better off. Indeed they are worse off. They have been taught by their leaders to become sheep and to become dependent on the gubment.

That's the difference in whiny left wing Dimocrats and conservatives. We conservatives don't look at the color of a person. It doesn't matter. We see people as individuals and judge them by their character and their accomplishments.

I think of great black people like Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Thomas Sowell, and Dr. Walter E. Williams and then I think of miserable people like Kid Funkadelic. The shame of it is that Funkadelic thinks the way he does because this is the way he has been taught. He's probably even heard it in his church from someone on the same level as Jeremiah Wright. (That's Obama's preacher of 20 years, for all you Obama voters.)

Liberals see people as groups. Sonya Sotomayor is a classic example. Every other word out of that woman's mouth is "Latina". For a Supreme Court Justice, such a thing shouldn't matter, but you can bet your sweet ass that it matters to her. She'll be a much better justice than a white guy just because of her life experience. If justice is blind, then it should not be able to distinguish color.

Well, if Funkedelic is waiting for an apology from me because of who I am and because of who he is, he's going to be waiting until hell freezes over.

If you don't like your position in life, get off you ass and do something about it. STOP WHINING!

If you wanna read the exchange between me and Funkadelic, go HERE.

Beware of the Sea Kitten Killer! Part 2

Well it was February when I first visited this topic. If you missed part 1, click HERE and you can get caught up.

It is late in the evening on a pleasant day in early May. The sun is on the horizon and the near full moon is rising in the east. A blanket of darkness begins to descend on the quiet water. The frogs begin to sing their merry song. The creatures of the night awaken. The drone of a small aircraft can be faintly heard in the distance.

Quiet Waters

It seems as if the whole world is at peace. But all is not well, indeed danger lurks on the face of the peaceful pools. The Sea Kitten Killer stealthfully pitches his favorite Jitterbug into an almost dark spot between two buck bushes.


The Jitterbug wobbles and pops and twitches as it begins its return. Suddenly the water erupts in a violent explosion.

Jitterbug Fleet

Where the Jitterbug had been, a huge green and black creature with a mouth like a small bucket has suddenly devoured the plug, but the tables rapidly turn as the treble hooks secure the attacker. The Sea Kitten otherwise known as the Largemouth Bass, Micropterus salmoides has struck, possibly for its very last time.

Largemouth Bass

The fight is on as the Sea Kitten Killer sets the hook. The bass twists, turns, jumps, and dives, trying every trick in the book to throw the Jitterbug from its jaws, but sadly after a long and fruitless struggle, the big fish tires and is finally hoisted aboard by the Sea Kitten Killer. The Killer admires his catch. The big fish is about 19 inches long and her belly bulges as she is still full of eggs. The Sea Kitten Killer gently removes the hooks from the bass, holding her only by the mouth, careful not to disrupt the slime layer covering her body and then he gently releases her back into the water. She joyfully swims away to lay her eggs and fight another day. WHAT! The Sea Kitten Killer had mercy on his victim? Indeed he did.


Bass fishing is one of my favorite things. I've been doing it since I was about 5 years old. I guess the largemouth bass is probably the ultimate predator in the waters of the Tennessee River. They will actually strike at almost anything that moves in the water that is small enough to be consumed, including frogs, salamanders, snakes, rodents, and even small birds, however the larger bass generally prefer small fish, especially shad. Bass often strike out of pure anger, not necessarily because they are hungry. They are naturally bad tempered, kinda like me. I guess that's why I like them so much. Unlike the tasty crappie which I wrote about previously, the bass will usually put up a tremendous struggle when hooked while crappie will usually just flop around a little bit.

Fighting Fish

Here on Kentucky Lake there is a 15 inch size limit on largemouth bass. Anything smaller must be returned. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of work to catch enough sizable bass to have a decent mess of fish. There is also a creel limit of 5 in Tennessee on bass. You can keep 30 crappie.

The Catch

I return most of the bass that I catch and when I want to catch fish for eating, I crappie fish. I probably keep less than half a dozen bass per year and always return them in the spring months during their spawn time. Although bass are plenty good for eating, I prefer to catch them for the fight they provide.

Moon River

Probably the best part of my day is the ride home. After I release momma bass, I fire up the outboard and slowly wind my way out of the lazy creek and onto the main river. I throttle back the Mercury and trim out the boat at a leisurely 25 mph, just enough to keep it on the plane. The sky is still a faint pink and the cool evening air smells good and feels oh so good on my face as it dries the little beads of sweat in the stubble on my head. The water is mirror smooth. I have the steering wheel in one hand and an ice cold Sun Drop in the other, and I'm thoroughly enjoying the 7 mile ride back to the marina. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Life just doesn't get any better than this!

Ice Cold Sun Drop!

So the Sea Kitten Killer does indeed have some mercy on the largemouth bass. They are magnificent creatures. I can only hope that they scream in agony as they embed those treble hooks in their bony mouths. I also can hope that some PETA person is reading this, wringing their hands in anger, raising their blood pressure, and losing sleep!

Save the Sea Kittens!