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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Jail Humor

There was a most amusing letter to the editor of our local newspaper this week. Sometimes you just gotta smile. Here it is:

I have been incarcerated at the Decatur County Detention Center. There isn't even enough food to fill you up at breakfast or lunch. We don't even get all the food groups. We don't get any juice, milk, or fruit. I don't know what kind of peanut butter that is served. We eat the same thing over and over. Most of the time, the bread is hard. I know that we are inmates. But I feel as though we should still have decent meals. The food isn't even warm when we get it. The chips and crackers are always stale. Some of the people in the jail are not even guilty. They are just waiting for their arraignment. I know that some of us are in jail, but we are human beings as well. Everyone deserves good nutrition.

Thank You

Well, I'm not one to let a crisis go to waste so here is my letter to the editor this week:

I could not help notice the letter last week regarding "inmate nutrition". Unfortunately, if it were up to me the inmates would have more to worry about than nutrition.

Rather than construct a fine new jail with all the modern conveniences, I would have erected an electrified fence around several acres of farmland. Inside the enclosure we would have tents and some kind of stove for warmth in the winter. In the summer, the inmates could get healthy by sweating in their racks on those hot July nights. We could let them grow their own food in gardens thereby saving the county lots of extra money and think how healthy all those fruits and veggies would be. Plenty of mosquito repellent and fresh water for everyone would be a must.

Now I bet if the county had followed my plan we could have had extra room for a lot more prisoners at much lower cost and we probably would not have had to impose that dreaded wheel tax in the first place to pay for a new jail.

You think I'm kidding? You think I'm crazy? Well check out sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, AZ. Sheriff Joe runs a prison camp similar to the one I described and it seems to work just fine for the people of Arizona. When prisoners complain, sheriff Joe has been heard to say, "If you don't like the facilities, don't come back."

Thomas Hamilton MD.

Smiling and smiling and smiling.......


  1. This sounds exactly like something my dad would propose. I think it's a very good idea. Teach the rascals a real lesson.

  2. You've just described a Penal Farm in Mississippi in the '60s. Seemed to work pretty well.

  3. It has a lot less to do with teaching the rascals a lesson and more to do with saving money. A well run prison camp would serve the purpose and not cost and arm and a leg.