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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Make Me Extra Crispy, PLEASE!

I was reading on Facebook the lament of a woman who was upset that someone had stolen something from the grave of one of her dead relatives. Many comments were added about how absolutely HORRIBLE this was.

Well, I guess that stealing from a headstone is a not so nice thing to do and I would have to wonder why anyone would want to do it, but then I got to thinking, "What is the big deal?"

I never have put much stock in graves and funerals. When my parents were planted, I went there just to make sure they got planted but I have not been back since. I have not brought flowers. I have not brought gifts. I have not visited. In fact I really have not even thought much about it until I decided to do this post.

After all, the deceased person is not there anymore. The thing that made that person what they were, the soul, has departed and hopefully gone on to a better place. I prefer to remember my parents by the pictures I have of them and the good memories I have when they were healthy and vibrant, not when they were on their last leg and barely clinging to life. In fact I remember thinking of the death of my parents as a blessing rather than as a sad time. They had both suffered terrible health problems in their last days and at last they were free of all that and I'll get to see tham again one day. No worries!

No doubt some folks make a big deal over grave sites. I know some who visit them on a regular basis and leave flowers and gifts and all sorts of things. I guess if they want to do it that's fine, but I don't share their sentiments.

In the early 90's I had a friend, a ham radio operator, who was only slightly older than I pass away from severe heart problems. I was sorry to see him go, but again I felt relieved. He had suffered terribly prior to his death. A few weeks later his wife asked me if I had visited his grave. When I told her no and that I was not planning to do so she glared at me rather disapprovingly. With respect I explained my position to her and I assured her that her husband and my friend had gone on to heaven and was suffering no more. Perhaps she understood.

In fact I don't really care much at all for funerals and have not been to many. Again I prefer to remember the person as they were in life rather than look at a corpse laying in a box. Funny thing is that you see people at funerals that never had much to do with the deceased while they were alive. A little hypocritical doncha think?

Wifey and I have decided that when our time is up we are going to donate anything still of use and then have the remains cremated. In fact in my last will and testament I have specified that my ashes are to be scattered at the mouth of Cub Creek on the Tennessee River. This was a place my father and I used to enjoy when I was a child.

I explained to a woman at the hospital one day that I wanted my corpse put on a raft, set afire, and pushed out into the river. On the bank those who chose to attend my "memorial service" should have a big party with rock-n-roll music as they watch the raft turn to smoke and ashes.

She thought this was just horrible. Since I was not going to have a grave, there would be no place for people to go and "visit" me and no place for them to grieve. No amount of explaining could convince her that my corpse did not need visiting and that grief was totally unnecessary!

Perhaps if she wanted to remember me she could get someone to take a video of my burning raft floating down the river! Bwaa Haa Haa! Put it on YouTube!

I have had a few people argue that they thought cremation was wrong, mainly because there would be no body available for resurrection........REALLY! I guess they don't give God much credit. What about all the people over the centuries that met a fiery, traumatic fate not of their own choosing? I figure if God wants to fix me up with a brand new body, He can handle it just fine.

So what is left of me will one day take a long river trip eventually to the ocean and my molecules will be returned to the earth from which they came.

Don't want to go by the devil.
Don't want to go by demon.
Don't want to go by Satan,
Don't want to die uneasy.
Just let me go naturally.

and when I die,
When I'm dead, dead and gone,
There'll be one child born in our world to carry on,
To carry on.


  1. Well said my sweetie. I agree completely.

    I remember all the time and money my parents spent on picking a grave site, head stone, caskets, picking out the clothes they wanted to be buried in, the shoes, and on and on. I never understood it.

    When they were younger funerals, or wakes, went on for days, 24 hours a day, with family and people coming in at all hours. It was disgusting. Bickering among the family members on who would preach the funeral, who would get what piece of furniture, or whatever.

    You and I have taken care of all of that in our Wills. When we are gone no one will have to worry about anything. No one will be required to go mow the grass around our graves, or pay a fee every years for eternity to have someone else care for the graves.

    My parents are not in that hole in the ground, they are in Heaven.

    Right Truth

  2. Dang. I hates to agree with you on anything. But as for death, we are in somewhat of an accord. I personally don't keer what they do wid my carcass after I am thru with it. Bury it, burn it, have me taxidermied and put me in a museum as a perfect asshole! Nevertheless, I am free this Saturday if you need yo ashes scattered. Let me know, I have people clamoring!

  3. You are perzactly right my pet.

    Lizzard, if I croak before the weekend, I'll letche know.