As a medical doctor I must pass along this most serious warning to all of you lovebirds. HICKEYS MAY BE HARMFUL OR FATAL!
Ah yes, the hickey, passion marks, love blisters! They seem to be frequent adornments of the after midnight ER crowd. Personally I find them rather disgusting. So does sweet Wifey. Why would you wanna suck a blister on someone else's neck anyway? I just don't get it.
Well a few days ago there was a report of a woman having a stroke after receiving a hickey! According to doctors, the hickey was administered over "an artery" in her neck. They say the suction was so intense that it must have caused a bruise in the wall of the artery which led to a clot, and therefore a stroke.
AMAZING! The carotid artery, as most arteries, is located pretty deep below the surface of the skin. All I can say is there must have been a whole lot of sucking going on on that woman's neck! It gives a whole new meaning to the old term, "sucking the chrome off a trailer hitch" or "sucking like a Hoover"!
It get's worse! Hickey's can be fatal. Here's news of a hickey victim losing his life. The dude came home from a party. His wife stabbed him to death with a kitchen knife when she found a hickey on his neck.
Dang! It's really getting dangerous out there! Y'all be careful now, ya hear?
This just in! The US. gubment has issued warnings against hickeys. It is likely that congress will propose a bill banning all hickeys. Anyone found with a hickey will be subject to fine or imprisonment.
California governor, Jerry Brown, has offered an alternative solution. He has instituted a "safe hickey" program, teaching all the California citizens the proper location and the proper amount of suction required to deliver a safe hickey. At the same time a "hickey tax" would be imposed on all residents in order to balance the multibillion dollar budgetary shortfall suffered by the state.
Brown promised a spirited court battle against the federal gubment in the event Warshington tried to ban hickeys.
Brown was heard to say, "I want the whole country to know how much California sucks!"