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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Don't Masturbate on Your Laptop or Cell Phone

The quest by the left never ends as they attempt to vilify our cell phones and now our laptop computers as a health hazard. Of course the ultimate goal is creation of more frivolous lawsuits for shyster lawyers and more regulation and TAXES on our electronic devices by gubment.

The latest nonsense comes from Argentina where they placed semen samples UNDERNEATH A LAPTOP COMPUTER and then got on the internet. Their contention is that electromagnetic radiation from the WIFI transmitter in the computer inactivated the sperm and that sperm located some distance away from the laptop remained viable. Of course the so called conclusion is that placing a laptop on your lap will zap your sperm. They mentioned the same effect from cell phone signals.

Now I don't know how many of you have noticed, but most laptops get pretty warm on the bottom. In fact my old dead Compaq had vents that blew hot air out the bottom. If anything is deactivating the sperm I would guess the HEAT from the computer might be the culprit rather than any radio frequency energy. Besides, if you're trying to impregnate your significant other, are you going to bop your baloney underneath your computer, collect it, and then artificially inseminate her? Besides that, the WIFI signal from a computer is of very low power, just a few milliwatts, and a completely different frequency from a cell phone signal which is by the way much more powerful. After all, the phone has to make it all the way to a cell tower while the computer just has to make it to your wireless enabled modem.

Anyway, I just had a GREAT idea. We could save millions of dollars on vasectomies, tubal ligations, condoms, birth control pills, and unwanted pregnancies. Just stick your cell phone between your legs for about half an hour before you do the dirty deed. Problem solved. I believe I will petition the gubment for a couple of million dollars to study my alternative birth control solution.

Go HERE to read all about this nonsense.

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